Growing up, I never really thought about how many kids I would have. As I got older I started to think that any children at all would be a blessing and I would be lucky to have one. I am the youngest of four siblings, so as you can imagine I grew up with lots of noise, endless streams of fun and never a dull moment. My husband on the other hand was an only child. He pretty much grew up with my family and I think he realised he didn’t want to have just one child but equally didn’t want a huge family either.

In the middle of 2017, I never felt like I would become a mother naturally as I struggled year after year to have children. You can read my journey here. However, I hadn’t completely given up hope, but I was preparing for a life that did not go to plan.

A year later, our lives changed enormously as we finally had a baby girl in June 2018. I have never felt so lucky and unbelievably blessed to have such a wonderful beautiful baby.

In 2019, I remember when Skylar was eight months old, I already felt like it was going quickly and she was eating, crawling and becoming less and less like a newborn baby. I felt like the days were slipping away so fast and I knew I wanted to try for another baby, but at the same time just wanted to enjoy the time I had with Skylar and not add any further stress to our lives. However, I said to my husband, “we need to go back and visit Dr Shehata and make sure everything is ok for us to try again and not lose another baby”.

So we found ourselves back in Dr Shehata’s clinic with Skylar in tow, showing her to everyone in the clinic and thanking him again for everything he has done. I was booked in for more tests to check whether I would need treatment again if I was to get pregnant.

I returned a month later with the results and Dr Shehata said I would need the same treatment plan as I did with Skylar which would be to take steroids when I ovulate and to stop taking them if I had a negative pregnancy test and try again the following month. If the test was positive I was to continue taking the steroids up to 16 weeks, and of course, to take cyclogest throughout. Again, this all seemed fairly straightforward, all I needed to do now would be to get pregnant. Simples! Or not so much.

Skylar was ten months old now and I was still exclusively breastfeeding. Dr Shehata had informed me that I would need to stop breastfeeding before taking steroids as it wasn’t safe for Skylar. This was the first step of the journey that was difficult, as neither Skylar or I wanted to stop. I still really enjoyed feeding her, especially the evening feed when she wasn’t wriggly and it was just our time together with no distractions. But over the following month I started to drop more feeds and the evening feed was the last one to stop and I literally cried and cried. I can only blame the hormones that changed in my body but also that I had made a decision to stop doing something I enjoyed in the hope I will be able to do it again but it was only hope. Yes Hope, this word comes up again and again when TTC.

James and I knew we then had a green light to try again. I went back to work when Skylar was twelve months old and after a month or so in the office I noticed my work clothes started to feel a lot tighter. I really felt like I was putting on weight and I knew this was down to the steroids.

Dr Shehata warned me first time round when I was trying with Skylar that the steroids can make you put on weight but as long as you exercised and ate well it shouldn’t be an issue. I was only on steroids for 4 months with Skylar as we got pregnant so quickly, however I was already 3 months in to trying this time round and the steroids were taking their full effect on my body. I was constantly hungry. All I could think about was food and what I was going to eat. I knew I shouldn’t give in to the side effects but if I didn’t eat, I felt lethargic and bad tempered and I was on and off the steroids all the time, which made things worse. One other major side effect was the lack of sleep. I was fine getting to sleep, but if I woke up in the night which I never used to before starting the steroids, there was no way I could get back to sleep. I remember having to do a long drive with work on only 2 hours sleep, I felt so ill that day. This over eating and lack of sleep went on for 5 months and I just felt lousy plus I wasn’t getting pregnant so it made me feel even worse. So I put a call in to Dr Shehata’s clinic.

I think when you are trying to conceive, it can consume your life. No matter what people say: “oh relax, it will happen”, for couples who can’t just snap their fingers and be pregnant, there is no relaxing, especially when I was 37 and knew that I didn’t have years of time to have a second child.

I had an appointment with Dr Shehata and he said to take a break from the steroids if they were having side effects that I was struggling with. I also discussed that we were nearly at 6 months of trying and not having any luck.

Throughout each cycle I had been using ovulation sticks and I noticed that this time (compared to when I conceived with Skylar) I wasn’t getting a “peak” fertility icon on the blue sticks only “high”. I shared this with Dr Shehata and he asked if I wanted to go on a “super ovulation” program. It consisted of having my cycle very closely watched, so I booked in for a scan on my ovaries to check for ovulation. I was very lucky because at that scan I was told I was just about to ovulate therefore the nurse gave me an injection at the clinic to make sure I released more than one egg to help increase my chances of getting pregnant this time, and yes, I did sign the disclaimer that said I could have a multiple pregnancy, yikes!! I was then told to go away and in their words “try and try and try for the next 36 hours”, so that’s what we did. Wow, it worked. Ten days later I was staring at a positive test. The line on the test was so faint I thought that maybe I wasn’t, but the day arrived of when my period was due and it never came and a week later it still wasn’t there. It was therefore time to put another call into Dr Shehata to make sure I had the best care possible lined up to get through the first trimester.

The long wait for the 6 week scan, still felt very intense and my anxiety levels were sky high. However, with a 16 month old to care for and a full time job, I definitely felt like it was more bearable than with Skylar as my mind was so pre-occupied with other things. The day of the 6 week scan arrived and as I sat in the waiting room in the all too familiar clinic I felt my heart absolutely pounding. So many “what ifs” going round in my head. Dr Shehata called us in and the look of positivity and calmness on his face instantly made me feel more relaxed. He didn’t keep me waiting, I went straight in, James by my side and to my disbelief, there was a strong heartbeat again! I seriously couldn’t believe it. From that moment, I felt much better and I started to have real confidence in my body and it’s ability to carry another baby.

By the 12 week scan, I had previously had three other scans leading up to it, all were perfectly fine. James and I were in the waiting room and very unfortunately, the clinic were running behind and Skylar needed picking up from nursery, so James had to leave, so I was left to go to the scan on my own. I did have a moment of panic, but I tried to remain calm, focus on my breath and went in alone. I cannot begin to imagine how pregnant mothers have coped through The Pandemic having to attend such important scans alone, especially for 1st time mothers who I am sure would have done anything to have the support of a husband or family member with them. At my 12 week scan which was in December 2020, I had no idea that this scan would be the first of many scans alone as Covid19 took hold just a couple of months later.

From then, I had a very emotional pregnancy with some unexpected twists and turns and you can read my pregnancy journey here, but in July 2020, Molly Jane Ainsworth was born.

2020, will be a an unforgettable year for pretty much anyone I am sure. For me, it was another precious miracle added to our family that I will be eternally grateful for. After years of my body letting me down, it finally showed me that it can grow and nurture two beautiful babies, but I could not have done this without the help of Dr Shehata and his team. I have linked his clinic website here and strongly recommend to get in touch with them if you have experienced recurrent miscarriage as I know from experience I could have wasted a lot of heartache and grief if I had been to his clinic earlier.

Please get in touch if you have any questions on this blog. No one should have to suffer fertility issues alone which is why I share my story.

Sarah

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