So here we are, Skylar turns one very soon and my return to work is imminent. How do I feel? Well, if you had asked me a few weeks ago, I would have said quite anxious, but I have had a good talking to myself recently and I am starting to feel better about going back to work.

I am returning to work four days a week which means Skylar will be in nursery for four ten hour days. Arghhhh!! This is going to be the hardest part I think. Leaving her for such long days.

I have been fortunate enough to be able to put her in nursery earlier. She has been doing one morning a week for the last few weeks and is now doing a full day. It was all going well until she did her first full day. It was like she knew she was going to be there all day, as for the first time I left her in floods of tears. I just walked away and I could hear her continuing to cry as I walked down the corridor and I felt my eyes watering. I am a complete novice at this. I had no idea whether to stay until she settled or just leave. I opted to just leave in order not to prolong Skylar’s suffering.

So many people have said to me “oh, I didn’t think you would go back?” and I think as Skylar was such a longed-for child after so many years of loss, I can understand why people have said that. When people say this, I suddenly start to doubt myself about whether I should be going back to work as even people at my work have said it. The truth is, I know I want to do something as well as be a mother, but is working in the big scary corporate world the answer? Only time will tell, I think.

In today’s society, working mothers is the total norm, but you don’t know what sort of working mum you are going to be. I went into the office when Skylar was six months old and was completely blown away as my boss offered me a promotion, four days a week and the top score on my year-end review. Wowwww. I couldn’t stop smiling all day that day as I realised that maybe “I CAN DO THIS” and people are telling me so.

After much thinking over Christmas, I decided to turn down the promotion. Something I have NEVER done before. I have always strived to be out my comfort zone and always pushed myself, but something was telling me not to go for it. The truth is, I have always struggled with anxiety, and it has always held me back in my career. I found it was at its worse in my early 20s where each day I dreaded going into work in case I had an anxious moment in front of my colleagues which would usually go in the form of lost for words, bright red face and generally making a fool of myself. I just don’t know how I am going to be when I go back, but all I do know, is my number one priority is my family and that is what my gut says.

During my year at home as a mum, these anxiety episodes have just disappeared. Even my husband has said, I just seem a lot calmer, but does that mean they are going to return once I get back to work and does that mean I am in the wrong career or is it just the way I am? So many questions!

I have spent over 365 days at home, and I can honestly say I have enjoyed pretty much all those days even the bad days have always had snippets of good.

So, what are my top tips for making the most of your maternity leave:

THE FIRST SIX WEEKS

The first 6 weeks are brutal there is no denying it, so what can you do to get through it? My big advice here is to just get help. Never think anything is too much for people. I wrote a blog a few months ago on how I survived the breastfeeding challenge. You can read here.

Also, I REALLY recommend reading “Your baby – Week by Week”. We were given this book as a gift before Skylar came along and I didn’t dare read it before she was born. However, I should have started reading it before as the most useful stuff is before she was born. Also, the advice on sleep is brilliant and I think is the reason Skylar has slept well so far is because of this book.

MOTHER YOUR OWN WAY

Everyone has advice to offer, especially at the start and it’s hard not to doubt what you are doing. A quote I saw quite soon into my maternity leave resonated most with me: “She found when she mothered her own way she mothered her best way”. Only you know your baby.

SOMETHING EVERY DAY

It is very easy to get swept up into the local circle of new mums where there are baby clubs for literally everything, you can even teach your baby French. In Skylar’s early weeks I found on the days when I woke up and didn’t have to be anywhere it was a relief but as she got older, I kept to one thing a day. This meant I could be at home for at least one of her naps so I could get stuff done. Or truthfully, sit down with a cup of tea.

DO SOMETHING FOR YOU

I had Skylar on a really good napping schedule from about 11 weeks and was lucky that she napped for ages. This meant, I could get some time out for me every day. I even tried my best to do chores like the dishes, tidying up, the cooking and the washing while she was awake, so I had all the spare time for me. I will admit, this wasn’t always easy, as some days she just consumed all my time.

So, during nap times, I chose to spend some of my time working on this blog and everything to do with the Joys of Now as quite frankly it has been a hobby that I have discovered and really enjoy.

I would also try and spend 10 mins of nap times doing a meditation. I found this really helped me cope better, especially on tired days.

VOLUNTEER

I have volunteered for Mind for a couple of years and I have been so lucky to continue volunteering on my maternity leave. My support worker suggested a post natal “feel good” group for mums where I could take Skylar along. Initially this was just twice a month, but then it increased to every week. My role has been to organise activities for the group plus just be available for a chat if needed. There was a creche facility at the group, but mostly Skylar just slept in her pram. I have loved every minute of it and will truly miss the people I have met when I return to work.

Volunteering has given me a sense of achievement and reminded me that you can still do things that don’t always revolve around your children.

There are so many volunteering opportunities out there and I am proof that you don’t need to sort out childcare to take part.

CREATE MEMORIES

Join Lifecake. A few people recommended this, but I never got time to look at it until Skylar was over 6 weeks old. Basically, it is an app when you upload photos of and videos. The great thing for me is that I know it keeps all her best bits secure and safe in case my phone was ever stolen, plus my mum gets to see all the things we upload.

I highly recommend loading your photos every few days otherwise you will end up with six weeks’ worth to upload which took forever.

TAKE A TRIP TO WORK

I spent years at work going to leaving speeches for mums going off on maternity leave only to see them return a few months later with their smiley bundle of joy to show off around the office. So when it came to my turn I thought I would be super eager to head into the office to show Skylar off, but I felt the opposite, I dreaded it.

After messages from colleagues, probably wondering if they were ever going to see me again, I finally went in when Skylar was six months old. I left it so long hoping I wouldn’t need to escape to a quiet meeting room to breastfeed.

It turns out I was worried over nothing (this is often the theme of my life). Skylar was on good form, plus I went just before Christmas, so the office was feeling relaxed. Skylar even came to a meeting where she chose her best moment to show everyone her poo face. Brilliant. Wasn’t expecting that. Turns out there isn’t a baby changing in my office.

Anyway, my advice here is, don’t put this off. It really isn’t that bad, and I came away feeling a lot better about returning to work.

I opted not to do any KIT (Keeing In Touch) days. My boss made a good point of just not worrying about it and enjoy my time off. He was right. I may never get this time again so why worry about work when it can just wait a few months.

TAKE LOTS OF DEEP BREATHS

There are some really tough days in parenting and doing lots of deep breathing has helped me when things aren’t going very smoothly. Particularly, more recently at mealtimes, which started so well for the first few months, but has now become quite a challenge as Skylar throws most of her food on the floor (sigh). Our dog Noodle is starting to get quite porky.

So as Skylar decides to paint the walls, I take few deep breaths which gives me that time to just pause and not get annoyed, or more like scream.

I know there is going to be many many many more times over the next 18 years where my patience is going to be tested so taking those deep breaths for a bit nourishing support will be a lifeline.

This was a blog I never thought I would write but one that I feel so privileged to be writing. Not a day goes by where I don’t look at Skylar and realise how unbelievably lucky I am.

Enjoy every moment.

Sarah